Originally Reviewed – 5/29/2012

As a 15 year old Batman fan in Northern New Jersey, Batman Forever wasn’t just a movie. It was an event. The theater was packed with Batman fans the day my brother and I saw it on the big screen. The crowd was buzzing with advertising generated current. From McDonalds Happy Meals to a barrage of TV commercials, the film looked to be bigger and flashier than the previous installments. As the lights dimmed, the murmur of the mostly teenage audience quieted. All was still until one moviegoer, fueled on popcorn and Coca Cola products, shouted in a loud, bellowing voice, like Batman himself would do “ARE YOU READY FOR THE BATMAN?” The entire theater burst into laughter, myself included. Whenever anybody asks me what the greatest moment of my film going life has been, that’s the one. The outburst was the perfect setup for what lay ahead. Burton-less, Keaton-less and shined up with a new coat of neon paint, Joel Schumacher’s reimagining of the Batman franchise is loaded with flashy action and nifty gadgets but what the film gains in style it loses in substance.

Half a reboot, half a continuation of the previous movies, Batman Forever finds the Caped Crusader (Val Kilmer) defending Gotham from an unlikely team of super criminals: the nefarious gangster Two Face (Tommy Lee Jones) and the joke spewing Riddler (Jim Carrey). With Two Face’s muscle and the Riddler’s ingenuity, the pair looks to put a devious product on the television of every family in Gotham, simultaneously streaming the brainwaves of the world into their not so secret lair. Due to Michael Keaton declining the role after Tim Burton stepped down as director, Val Kilmer was chosen to fill out the Bat Suit. When wearing the cowl, Kilmer’s Batman works fine as an action oriented superhero. Thanks to some great fight choreography and Kilmer’s athletic skills, Batman Forever features some of the most exciting action sequences of the series. The problems begin when Kilmer does his impersonation of Bruce Wayne. Trying too hard to be a bumbling bachelor when he clearly isn’t, Kilmer never connects to the core of the character, despite some handy plot contrivances to help him do so. Val Kilmer is too “movie star” for the brooding superhero, creating an uneven experience. Not a terrible Batman, but nowhere near the quality of Keaton’s interpretation.

Luckily for Mr. Kilmer, the movie wasn’t his to drive. The energy of the film squarely comes from the scenery chewing Two Face and Jim Carrey’s manic Riddler. Tommy Lee Jones is fun to watch as he emotionally flip flops from crazy to cool but Carrey steals every scene he’s in. To be fair, this is an early Jim Carrey comic performance, before the world discovered his acting chops, so if you were a fan of his Ace Ventura rubber faced style, you’ll have a great time here. If not, he’s down right overwhelming. Still, I found the Riddler gave the film a much needed shot of life that wasn’t created by the swirling lights and 80’s tinged visuals.

Playing opposite Kilmer in the love interest slot is Nicole Kidman as the lovely psychologist Chase Meridian and Chris O’Donnell as the boy wonder Robin. Despite her being very easy on the eyes, the only connection Kilmer and Kidman share is in the first letter of their last names. Kidman’s character is horribly underwritten and comes off more as a horny fangirl than an actual human being. Rather than develop them as a genuine pair, the script uses her as a device for 30’s style one liners and pointless banter. Robin, a character purposefully avoided by Tim Burton, also comes off flat, forced and a bit annoying. O’Donnell gives the role his absolute all, but Batman has always worked best as a sole vigilante, making Robin unnecessary and underdeveloped, despite a head scratching backstory involving Two Face, a slowing rising bomb and his family of acrobats. Despite the screenwriters attempt to hem in all this mayhem with a halfhearted attempt at Batman’s origin story, everything seems manufactured around potential advertisement taglines.

In fact, this is a nagging problem of Batman Forever, a cancer than would become malignant in the fourth movie. With all of the silliness of the story, the awful relationships and convenient plot points, the film is a lot of fun. The fights are well executed, Batman has a variety of entertaining gadgets and toys and when things are clicking, it’s a great ride. The problem is that it all seems carefully calculated to sell toys and Halloween costumes. Burton’s Batman may have not been perfect, but they were artistically honest, products of a desire to bring the character back to an original vision. The first Schumacher effort, while wildly entertaining, feels like simple product. Batman Forever isn’t the ninety minute toy advertisement it’s predecessor will be, but it lacks much of the credibility of the Tim Burton features. Slick, cool and immediately forgettable, Batman Forever’s biggest sin isn’t in the writing, the characters or even the full frame Bat Butt shots the cheeky director peppers into the final cut. The movie’s biggest fault lies in the $336 million it took in at the box office, prompting the studio to make one more film, a movie that would suck the franchise dry. Get your Bat Buckets ready for some bile. Next up: Batman and Robin.

Score – 60%

Originally Reviewed – 5/24/2012

When The Avengers project was first announced after the success of 2008’s Iron Man, comic book fans rejoiced. This wasn’t going to be some slapdash tale of a super team fighting baddies. This was going to be something more, something larger than life. Three films followed: Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America. Having seen all these movies, Captain in August of last year, I realized The Avengers could be a smashing success, so long as they two things right. One, give the team a very strong antagonist and two, build the team in a natural way without wasting time on individual character development. That’s what the movies were for. Now, over a billion dollars in box office sales later, I can safely say director Joss Whedon and company did just that and so much more. The Avengers isn’t just the best summer opening film I’ve seen in years, it’s one of the best superhero movies ever made.

Forgive the plot summation as I imagine 90% of you have seen this already, but here goes. Loki, brother of Thor, has snagged control of the mystical Tesseract, an artifact that holds near limitless power. His aim? To become the ruler of all rulers, starting with the pitiful mortals than inhabit planet Earth. In response to this new threat, S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) activates the “Avenger Initiative”, bringing together Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the newly thawed Captain America (Chris Evans), Mr. Anger Management Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) and billionaire playboy Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.). Together, with the help of some of the lesser known Avengers crew, such as Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), the team works to stop Loki’s extraterrestrial forces from invading planet Earth.

The biggest success of the film is the natural development of the Avengers team. Rather than everybody coming together for the common good, there’s some drama on the squad. Tony Stark and Captain America face off, Thor finds us Earthlings surprisingly petty and Hulk is just trying to keep from getting pissed. There’s natural tension here, expertly woven in Joss Whedon’s fantastic screenplay. This tension helps give us something to care about, making the team cohesion even more exciting in the film’s third act. It’s also worth noting that the previous movies are not required viewing to enjoy this, but if you haven’t seen at least the Iron Man flicks, the characters may come off a little flat. Of course, this is done by design and Whedon does a great job on focusing on the characters developed in the films and leaving the other members of the team to true supporting roles. In fact, you could call this Iron Man 2.5, but that’s a wise choice as Robert Downey Jr’s Tony Stark is easily the strongest character in the troupe.

The rest of the cast does a fine job in the roles given. Hemsworth is likeable as the Asgardian Thor, Mike Ruffalo is an excellent choice to replace Edward Norton’s Hulk and even Captain America, I character I found one noted in his feature length, develops nicely thanks to his run ins with Tony Stark. Loki is also a very smart choice as the main villain. Given his familial back story with Thor, his conquest has weight, especially given the events of their feature film. Again, those who haven’t seen Thor may find Loki to a bit over the top, but I found the antagonist interesting and gripping. Even Sam Jackson, who only made small appearances in the credit scenes of the original movies, find plenty to work with as the devious but well meaning Nick Fury. The cast is unilaterally well chosen and work great together.

Of course, this is a summer action movie. Most filmgoers aren’t looking for a slice of life drama, they’re looking for heart stopping action. Marvel movies are known for their big bangs and The Avengers is no exception. Literally every fifteen minutes, something awesome is happening, whether it’s the surprising reveal of the Avengers base or Iron Man screaming along the Manhattan skyline. Everything culminates in the third act, which is essentially one long battle sequence and while you might find yourself tiring after the twentieth minute, Whedon brings you right back to the action with more kick-assery. The film also features some classic Joss Whedon humor. Full of quips and jokes, the levity in The Avengers always works and gives the film a very distinct feel.

In short, The Avengers is just that. Fun. Fun characters doing awesome things in defense of our petty little planet, Joss Whedon’s first major studio film is a stylish and exciting homerun. Usually around this time, I start looking at the summer lineup with a hint of dismay. Loud movies made by money hungry studios, all searching for their piece of the hot weather audience. These movies are usually dumb and fitfully entertaining, a perfect opportunity to get in out of the heat and turn your brain off for two hours. Joss Whedon’s Avengers redefines that stereotype, providing an intelligent, honest and fully enjoyable film going experience everybody should see on the big screen. Last year, I had some mental guidelines for the success of this Marvel mashup and thanks to smart writing, good direction and an excellent cast, The Avengers more than lives up to the hype.

Score – 90%

Originally Reviewed – 5/19/2012

The world embraced The Bat like no other superhero to date. Smashing box office records and satisfying a legion of fans who wanted a return to creator Bob Kane’s original vision, Tim Burton’s Batman was a commercial and critical success. To a young Bill Tucker, Batman was a beast. From a Party City bought Halloween costume to the exceptional NES game, Batmania was in full swing in the Tucker hosehold. When Batman Returns hit theaters in 1992, there was no way six months was keeping young Bill from seeing the film in theaters. PG-13 be damned.

Back then, I don’t think I appreciated the scope of the sequel. Tim Burton didn’t just rehash the beats and rhythms of the successful original. He unleashed his full vision on the movie going public, creating an even darker interpretation of the Dark Knight. As a youngin’, the film terrified me. The Penguin was grotesque, the architecture unsettling and Batman didn’t triumph at every turn. Not even Michelle Pheiffer in a skin tight cat costume could make this fun. The fan in me loved it but the child inside was a little freaked out. Looked at nearly twenty years later, Batman Returns not only ranks as my favorite film in the original franchise, it ranks as one of my favorite superhero films of all time.

The second adventure finds Batman (Michael Keaton) battling two foes in the defense of the citizens of Gotham City: a squat sewer dweller who calls himself Penguin (Danny DeVito) and the slinky Catwoman (Pheiffer). Despite how good Jack Nicholson was in the original film, the villains of Returns have far more depth and more interesting stories. DeVito’s flamboyant Penguin starts the film on a quest to find the parents who abandoned him and Catwoman opens as the meek Selina Kyle, working as an administrative assistant for the town’s number two business mogul, Max Shreck (Christopher Walken). The two antagonists straddle the line between good and evil, perfectly reflecting the duality of the man in black. Both Penguin and Catwoman are attempting to right wrongs in their own psychotic way and this positive motivation is among the most interesting of the series. That and Walken is just fantastic in the role of the slimy industrialist . Why? Because it’s Christopher freaking Walken.

Many fans complained that the character of Batman was diluted by the Pheiffer / DeVito duo but that actually speaks more true to the source material. Batman was written as an avenger from the shadows and just because Keaton lacks some screen time, doesn’t mean his presence isn’t felt. Keaton’s Batman is still nuanced and interesting. We don’t learn much more about why Bruce Wayne dons the cowl, but with such a quality supporting cast, we don’t need to. DeVito is wonderfully over the top and Pheiffer walks the line between hurt kitten and claw bearing wingnut, giving Batman two dangerous foils to battle. This leads to some entertaining set pieces involving a giant Christmas tree, a rooftop fistfight and missile toting penguins. The action isn’t as visceral as the latest installments, but they’re good fun nonetheless.

The rest of the film maintains or exceeds the quality of the original. The most interesting enhancement was the newly realized Gotham City. Emboldened by the success of Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton unleashed his full artistic vision on the project and created a darkly beautiful world of maniac gang members and towering cityscapes. Danny Elfman again provided a stirring soundtrack, the cinematography is top notch and there’s imagination in every frame.

Despite it being a better film, Batman Returns made about half the money its predecessor made. Critical response was less enthusiastic, audiences didn’t get the darker tone and overall opinion was one of mild disappointment. The film started to alienate younger viewers and their parents. Joker’s bloody face was OK but Penguin burping up black liquid while Michelle Pheiffer modeled fetish wear was a bit too much for family viewing. One of those kids in the audience was me, but despite being a little grossed out, the film was still magnetic. I still loved the shadowy adventures of the Caped Crusader. Looking at the movie with modern eyes, I appreciate it more as a natural evolution in the art of Tim Burton. Deeper, more interesting and just as exciting as the original movie, Batman Returns was an art house action movie that not only elevated the genre, it cemented Burton as a director of vision and visual ingenuity. If only 1992 Bill knew that he wouldn’t get another quality Batman movie until he graduated college. Things in the Batman universe were about to slide downhill. Rapidly.

Score – 90%

Originally Reviewed – 5/14/2012

DeNiro and Scorsese. Humphrey Bogart and John Huston. Fonda and Ford. The history of Hollywood is rich with long running actor / director collaborations. Whether it’s mutual respect, artistic synergy or the pure fun of working together, actors have their favorite directors and vice versa. In recent times, the team of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp has yielded seven films. Starting with the brilliant Edward Scissorhands and peaking with the criminally underrated Ed Wood, Depp and Burton have produced their fair share of commercial and critical hits. Their latest effort is Dark Shadows, a campy story about a 200 year old vampire and his 70’s era family of oddballs and misfits. While the duo has genuine fun recreating the sixties soap opera, inconstant storytelling and coffin sized plot holes cause this adventure to crumble in the sunlight of better early summer offerings.

Johnny Depp plays Barnabas Collins, heir to the expansive Collinwood Manor nestled in the fishing town of Collinsport, Maine. Things are good in the 1760’s. Barnabas has a beautiful home, loving parents and a woman he adores. Things, however, go south for young Barney as a jilted lover named Angelique (Eva Green) casts a spell on him, turning him into a vampire. 200 years pass and when Barnabus is resurrected, he returns to find the family business ruined and a host of relatives living in old Collinswood. Residing in the mansion is Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), her moping daughter (Chloe Grace Moretz), her strange brother Roger (Johnny Lee Miller) and his son David (Gulliver McGrath). Add to the mix the family doctor (Helena Bonham Carter) and the mansion’s new governess Victoria (Bella Heathcote) and it’s immediately apparent the film has way too many characters. While each actor does a decent enough job, the script does little to properly develop each character and the result is a muddy mess.

Most people will come to this film to see the Burton / Depp magic and for the most part, these moments work just fine. Depp’s over the top dramatics and Shakespearian intonations are campy yet entertaining. Not his finest role, but the actor’s fish out of water antics and repeated references to Victoria’s “birthing hips” are fitfully funny. The rest of the cast is either underused (Moretz) or flat out poor (sorry, Mrs. Heathcote) and have little room to work or create three dimensional characters. Luckily for the movie, Burton’s direction is atmospheric and engaging, creating a world that’s easy to like and easier to connect to. Everybody involved in the making of this film seems to be enjoying themselves and that charm translates well to the audience. You’ll find yourself enjoying yourself, even as your brain starts to hurt.

And why does your mind melt a bit when watching Dark Shadows? Because it doesn’t make a lick of sense. The script is wildly inconsistent and chock full of plot holes. Due to the large cast, the film has to cram a TV series worth of character development into a two hour film and the result is jumbled mess of plot holes, rushed scenes and storytelling leaps of faith. Your mouth may laugh at the one liners but your brain will be confused as to why. Not even Burton’s skill behind the camera can save the confusing nature of the plot, a plot that didn’t have to be so dense to begin with.

Everything else in the feature breaks even. The score is classic Danny Elfman, the cinematography is true to form gothic and the jokes work as often as they fail to raise a giggle. After our opening day screening, my girlfriend said it best. Dark Shadows is just about as good as one could expect from viewing the lackluster trailers. A deliciously campy performance by Johnny Depp can’t save this mixed bag of 70’s references, mangled characters and mind bending plot jumps. The mix of Adams Family ghouls with a Nosferatu-esqe lead may have worked in the late sixties, but modern audiences need more than Johnny Depp playing Johnny Depp and Burton directing like it’s 1986. Entertaining in spurts, Dark Shadows is a decent yet instantly forgettable film that does nothing to strengthen the legacy of a Burton / Depp collaboration. The African Queen or Raging Bull this isn’t.

Score – 60%

Originally Reviewed – 5/9/2012

Tim Burton’s Batman is remembered for many things. Some reference it as the start of the “adult comic” genre, tossing aside square chinned protagonists in favor of darker, more personal superheroes. Others mark it as one of the best combinations of art house vision and Hollywood bombast in recent history. Me? I remember it as my first PG-13 film.

1989 was the year of the Bat. Buoyed by a massive advertising campaign and the expectations of a legion of comic book fans, you couldn’t walk down the street without seeing the iconic bat symbol. Sadly for me, the film was rated PG-13, dashing any hopes of my MPAA strict family allowing me to see it. It took two years before my dad came home with a VHS copy of the movie, waited for my mom to go to bed and invited me to watch it with him. My eleven year old mind was blown away. Everything seemed bigger than life in Tim Burton’s Gotham. The experience was overwhelming. From the maniacal cackle of The Joker, to the looming facades of Gotham to the Caped Crusader himself, Tim Burton’s adult interpretation of the comic book hero was nothing short of spectacular.

Now, nearly 25 years later, the only thing big about Batman ’89 is Vicky Vale’s hairstyle. Viewed with modern eyes and the images of Christopher Nolan’s vision fresh in mind, the original movie is still a fine time but lacks the depth and character development of the new series. The story is a familiar one. After a heist at Axis Chemicals gets thwarted by Batman (Michael Keaton), Gotham’s most ruthless gangster falls into a vat of acid and becomes The Joker (Jack Nicholson). The evil clown then concocts a sinister plan to cause chaos, prompting Batman to run to the defense of the good people of Gotham. Along the way, Bruce Wayne gets involved with photographer Vicki Vale (Kim Basinger), broods in the Batcave and fights the many baddies of the beleaguered city.

On the positive side, Tim Burton’s design of Gotham is my favorite of all the iterations. The visionary director’s take on the city is a mishmash of baroque, art deco and gothic design elements, perfectly reflecting a metropolis in turmoil. Everything in the film, from Keaton’s Batsuit to the classic Batmobile speaks to the director’s love of the dark and picturesque. The choice of Michael Keaton as the lead hero was also a brilliant one. By far my favorite Batman, Keaton excels at playing both sides of the tortured hero. Bumbling as Bruce, terrifying as The Bat, Keaton creates a duality with the role that hasn’t been bested by any who have followed. A tough role to master for someone who, up until then, had been known for light comedy.

The rest of the cast is also well selected, starting with Jack Nicholson’s spot on portrayal of The Joker. While I’m not going to get into the Ledger versus Jack debate, I will say Ledger had a heck of a lot more to work with. Nicholson’s Joker tosses aside decent development for pure fun, creating a manic yet enjoyable performance. The problems aren’t with Jack, as the simply penned story does little to develop the villain. This is a “take the part and run with it” type of performance and for the film they were making, it works just fine.

But not all is rosy in the wet streets of Gotham. The movie languishes under a mediocre script, one that suffered from the Writer’s Strike of 1988. Edits made during filming never gelled with the finished product, creating a movie that works but does so unevenly. Seriously, would Alfred really let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? Really? The relationship between Wayne and Vale never makes sense or generates any tension, there are some head scratching music cues and the film bloats towards the final thirty minutes. It’s a bit of a mess, but an enjoyable mess all the same.

Batman was described by David Handelman of the New York Observer as being “less movie than corporate behemoth.” While I don’t fully agree, there’s a grain of truth in that statement. Up until that point, Bob Kane’s original vision of a tortured avenger had been muddled by decades of campy treatment. A millionaire fighting crime in a bat costume. Hilarious! Fans of the comic had become alienated, fans of the TV show grew up and nobody cared about the adventures of Bruce Wayne. Supported by the biggest marketing campaign in the history of Hollywood, Batman was a necessary beast, a required purging of the artistic damage caused by twenty years of neglect. Batman didn’t just resurrect a comic book character; it revitalized the relevance of an art form. No longer relegated to the bedrooms of geeks and fanboys, comic book characters could now be taken seriously as allegories for our basic humanity. Tim Burton’s vision injected new life into a genre that would dominate filmgoing until the present day. Batman is nowhere near a perfect film, but it’s a game changer, and that, even twenty years later, is more than enough.

Score – 80%

Originally Reviewed – 4/26/2012

And then…there was Goldmember.

If you’ve been following these Austin Powers reviews with any regularity, you know how I felt about him way back when. My former obsession is well documented. Instead, let me take you back to the year 2002. Sitting dead center in a packed New Jersey theater, I was all pumped up for Austin Powers in Goldmember. The film started out promising featuring a Mission Impossible style action sequence followed by a number of very funny A-list cameos. Despite the laughter in the audience, I felt a pang. A quick stab to my inner fan. In the opening five minutes of the third Austin Powers film, I realized this wasn’t just a fun comedy, for dorks by dorks. This was a serious franchise, a Hollywood machination of high production values and celebrity panache. The first film was directed by a no name, written by and starring the lead from So I Married An Axe Murderer. Now Mike Myers didn’t just play Austin Powers. He was Austin Powers.

But it was funny, at least for the first five minutes, so I laughed along with the crowd. Minutes rolled by and as the opening dance number revved up, I settled down. This felt right. Flashed up, gaudy and a bit more polished, but this was still the character I loved. After all, the original films weren’t indies. They were studio projects backed by millions of dollars. So what if this had a few cameos and a fresh coat of paint. It could still be funny. It could still make me laugh.

Just as I had settled in, the movie committed a sin, an egregious affront that soiled my image of Austin Powers for all time. This cut me to the core, so much so, I now drink obscene amounts of Powers Irish Whiskey just to keep the memory at bay. From there on, the movie made me chuckle, but never laugh.

Austin, with his dance troupe in tow, walked into a warehouse and a Britney Spears video ensued. Quincy Jones’ iconic theme? Gone. Austin sporting “Baby, One More Time” ear poms? Indeed. As quickly as it started, the theme came back and Austin danced away but the movie was forever tarnished. In that moment, I grew up.

Ten years later, in revisiting this film for this review, memories of my experience flooded back to me. Recollections of my disappointment hit me square the minute I picked up the DVD case and read the words “FULL SCREEN” on the cover. Ugh. This was going to be painful. The initial story didn’t help much. Opening with a standard Dr. Evil doing the standard Dr. Evil shtick, the film has little momentum at the outset. Adding to the mayhem is Fat Bastard, Mini Me and a new antagonist in the titular Goldmember, a Dutchman with gold plated genitalia. The plan this time around is to employ a tractor beam to send a golden meteorite crashing to Earth unless the world pays a hefty ransom.

The first problem with all these baddies is that it waters down the Austin Powers character. This film focuses heavily on the relationship between Austin and his negligent father Nigel (Michael Caine). Unlike the second film, this new development weakens the character’s core and by having all these bad guys taking screen time, you lose the essence of what made Austin fun. Rather than silly gags, Austin is tortured by daddy issues. I’m all for trying new things with your characters but when it tampers with what made fans love him to begin with, it weakens the film. It also doesn’t help that the villains have nothing funny to say. Fat Bastard recycles gags from the first film, Dr. Evil spouts pop culture references and the new character, Goldmember, repeats the same three unfunny jokes over and over again. Seriously. I counted.

To further the pain, things don’t get much better on the sidekick side. Fighting alongside Austin is Foxy Cleopatra (Beyoncé), a 70’s era soul siren. Beyoncé gives it her best but she simply doesn’t have the comic chops and her character has nothing funny to say in the first place. With nobody interesting to bounce off of, Austin is left swinging in the wind. Another major issue is Austin’s trip to the seventies. Used solely to put the lead in platform shoes in a roller rink, the swinging super spy just doesn’t fit in the disco era. The sixties worked because that’s where his home was, the nineties worked because he was a fish out of water, but the seventies didn’t do anything but make him drive a low rider.

Luckily, the film isn’t a total disaster. Some of the jokes, including Ben Savage with a mole and a very clever bit where Austin and Mini Me go in disguise, are quite funny. The scenes featuring Austin and the doctor as young boys are well done and the tone of the movie is consistent with the previous two. Heck, I even enjoyed the nostalgic Dr. Evil version of “It’s A Hard Knock Life”. But that’s not enough to save a film with poor villains, weak jokes and characters trying so hard to be different, they end up saying nothing at all.

After watching this film for the first time in nearly five years, I was reminded of watching the credits back in 2002. As the obligatory post film gag reel ran, I couldn’t place why it didn’t work, why I didn’t laugh. Now, doing the same thing fifteen years later, I see what happened. That was the day I grew up a little. 22 year old Bill shouldn’t have been watching Austin Powers with a theater full of high schoolers. He was in college. His days should’ve been filled with career planning, drinking heavily and getting laid. In the five years since the original was released, he had witnessed something he loved pass him by. A natural progression of time. Now, as a 31 year old Bill, I’ll always look back on the trilogy with fondness but little regrets. The mental picture is a rosy one but a picture just the same, easily put on the shelf and forgotten until the next time nostalgia knocks and asks to spend some time with me. Until then, the Austin Powers trilogy will remain on the shelf, gathering dust. Especially Austin Powers in Goldmember. Full screen version, my ass.

Score – 50%

Originally Reviewed – 4/24/2012

If the first flick sparked an interest, the second created an obsession.

Firmly entrenched in late nineties excess, Austin Powers was a young dork’s dream come true. Austin wasn’t just a joke slinging super spy. He was a man about town, a charismatic yet vulnerable swinger who beat the bad guys, made us laugh and always got the girl. And I ate it up. From a copy of the soundtrack, to various memorabilia to a very decent impersonation of the lead characters, I was enamored with the rotten toothed super sleuth. Riddled with pop culture references and absurdist humor, the follow up to the cult classic not only cemented Mike Myers as an A list comedy star, it gave birth to a franchise. In the fifteen years since its release, the shine’s been worn off this film, more so than the first movie. Despite this, the base of the film provides an entertaining romp through sixties era spy clichés with a late nineties touch and still dishes out more than a couple chuckles today.

This second stanza finds Austin on another adventure against a familiar adversary. This time around, a Scottish monstrosity by the name of Fat Bastard has stolen the mojo of a cryogenically frozen Austin in the year 1969. The orders came from the nefarious Dr. Evil in an attempt to cripple his nemesis’ virility, hopefully rendering him powerless to thwart his plans. The plan itself? Something about a moon laser, a million dollars and a time machine. The driving narrative is weaker than the original film, but nobody’s going to this party for the story. They’re here to watch Austin swing and Dr. Evil laugh maniacally.

Mike Myers is again spot on in his portrayal of Austin, Dr. Evil and the new villain, Fat Bastard. With a new film comes further character development, Austin through the weakness of losing his mojo and Evil through a relationship with the screeching Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling). This creates characters with more depth and allows for the jokes to work even more. As a result, bits like Austin’s impotence and Evil seducing Frau hold up the best after a decade and a half. On the female front, American spy Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) takes Elizabeth Hurley’s place as Austin’s shag partner. While her character isn’t as interesting as Mrs. Kensington, Graham’s fem fatale is easy to like and even easier to look at, creating a satisfying target for Austin’s urges. And then, there’s Mini Me (Verne Troyer), the single best off shoot character in the entire franchise. Mini Me helps bring out Dr. Evils softer side and the moments where him and the good doctor interact are among the best in the movie.

What the film creates in good characters, it loses in narrative and by association, comedic drive. This go round seems much more like a compilation of sketches than a cohesive movie, especially in the bloated “sing along” sections. While momentarily funny, these parodies of “Just The Two Of Us” and the Joan Osborne one hit wonder “One Of Us”, serve only to slow down the story. If you just had to Wikipedia who the heck Joan Osborne is, congrats. You discovered the biggest reason why this movie doesn’t hold up. Moments like Dr. Evil telling the president to “talk to the hand” or using a scene from Independence Day to frighten Congress falls flat to modern viewings. In the first movie, these references could be seen as time and place, but since they are major components of the comedy in the sequel, they’ve become stale. The rest of the comedy works as individual pieces but without a competent story holding them together, the whole picture doesn’t flow.

That doesn’t make Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me any less of a good time. Despite the comedy feeling like a series of bits from a late night variety show, Austin Powers Part Two breaks even thanks to some fine and funny characters. Austin gets a chink in his machismo, Dr. Evil finds love in all the wrong places and even Fat Bastard has a moment of clarity. Couple that with some solid comedy directing by Jay Roach and you get a movie that maintains the base level of quality from the original offering. Just don’t expect to laugh out loud when the evil doctor says to the president, ” You’re not all that and a bag of po-ta-to chips.” Nobody under the age of thirty will get that reference in the first place.

Score – 70%

Originally Reviewed – 4/3/2012

Growing up, I never had much of a connection to the TV series 21 Jump Street. While I knew of it’s existance, I had never seen a single episode of the popular series. Alf, Star Trek: Next Generation and Perfect Strangers were more my speed. Little did I know, I was missing out on a cultural hit. Spanning five seasons and over one hundred episodes, the original Jump Street became a hit among young TV fans. A serious yet fun police procedural about undercover cops investigating crimes among high schoolers, the series quickly became a cult classic. Now, over twenty years later, a film has been made, rebooting the popular franchise. The result is a foul mouthed yet clever comedy piece that modernizes the now stale formula while staying true to the roots of the original series.

In this Jump Street, our investigative twosome is Morton Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Greg Jenko (Channing Tatum). Growing up, Schmidt was a geek and Jenko was a jock but due to a bonding experience while attending police academy, the two become dear friends. After a bust gone bad, the two friends are reassigned to 21 Jump Street, an undercover division of the local police force. Their task is to pass as high schoolers, infiltrate the school’s various social strata and find the source of a new drug that’s sweeping the campus. This very simple setup lays a good if unbelievable baseline for the resulting gags and jokes, most of which work quite well in the context of the film. Much of the success of the movie is in the self referential way it treats this story. Many times characters mention how “writers have no new ideas” and how they “recycle old crap”, a willing wink to the audience. This removes all expectations of realism and allows the viewer to relax and get swept up in the silliness. The film also takes the time to provide links to the original show through cameos and inside jokes, all of which never hinder the story. Suffice to say, you don’t need to have seen the original series in order to get a laugh or two out of the movie, but if you have, these subtle winks are a scream.

And there is plenty of screams to be had. From ill fitting Peter Pan costumes to ridiculous chase sequences, 21 Jump Street doesn’t lack in the “things to see” department. While the middle section gets a touch bloated, the film rebounds nicely with a satisfying final twenty minutes. By that time, some of the gags have worn a little thin, but there’s more than enough laughs to keep audiences interested. Much of this is due to some fine chemistry between Hill and Tatum. Although neither actor really excels, you can tell they are having a genuine good time, and in a farce like this, it’s more than enough. The film also features a very strong script, penned in part by Mr. Hill. One of the more interesting plot points is a modern day role reversal with Tatum and Hill. In the seven years since the two were in high school, sensitive kids are now sitting at the cool table. Watching Tatum struggle with now being a dork and Hill soaking up being popular is strong storytelling and gives the characters some unexpected weight. This drama creates a natural tension that develops between the two friends and gives the characters a much needed shot of believability. The other standout performance is that of Ice Cube as Capt. Dickson. Labeled as the standard “angry black boss”, Cube’s straight forward and cutting delivery steals many of the scenes he’s in.

The film isn’t all perfect, however. Many of the jokes miss the mark and the film feels a little overlong, especially around the 80 minute mark. There’s also one very uncomfortable scene where a neighbor threatens to blow Hill’s cover, prompting him to push her into a pile of shoeboxes. Played simply for the physical comedy of seeing an old woman eat it, the scene slows the action to a crawl, ruining the movie’s momentum. There’s also an awkward romance between Hill and a student named Molly (Brie Larson). Despite the film reminding us numerous times that she’s supposed to be 18 in the movie, she doesn’t look it and seeing Hill fawn over someone who doesn’t look legal is a little creepy. While the script doesn’t go beyond the attraction, the romance could have been nixed entirely as it does little for the main plot.

When all is said and done, this is the only way you could have done a modern 21 Jump Street movie. Back in 1987, procedural police dramas weren’t on every channel and the serious tone was welcomed by fans and critics. Now, the method is ripe for parody and directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller know it’s all supposed to be one big joke. If you’re looking for a serious reboot of the series, you’d be better served dusting off those old VHS tapes of the original show. However, if you’re in the mood for a clever, raunchy and mostly funny film that knows exactly what it is, 21 Jump Street is right up your alley. Just don’t be too offended when the leads get high, party with the kids and stare up at Korean Jesus. Just sit back, relax and be happy that it’s supposed to be stupid. Anything else would have been unbearable.

Score – 70%

Originally Reviewed – 90%

What would it feel like to be forbidden.

It’s a strange word isn’t it. Forbidden. The first image that brings up for me is one of a barrier, sometimes tangible, sometimes not, that prevents us from doing something or going somewhere. A wall, usually imposed by somebody else, that forbids entry or restricts access. Now imagine if that word was applied to you. Think for a minute if you were forbidden to watch a certain movie, listen to a piece of music or even leave your home. Forbidden to do what you love. In that context, the term takes on a whole new meaning, one of personal restriction and censorship. Famed Iranian film director Jafar Panahi has been slapped with that very word, forbidden by his government to talk to the media, write screenplays or direct films for the next twenty years. Trapped in his home for months on end, awaiting the beginning of a trial that could mean a six year prison term, Panahi doesn’t rebel, doesn’t make a fuss. He simply does what he was born to do.

Luckily for Pahani and his defense attorney, this is not a film. It’s a 70 minute series of scenes and shots that track one day in his long term interment. During this day, he eats breakfast, chats with his lawyer and documents the drudgeries of his daily life. Throughout the piece, Pahani is an exceptionally sympathetic character. At first content with the camera simply on and pointing, he slowly starts to tell us about his theories of filmmaking and his vision for a film he likely will never make. The piece is one giant metaphor, giving us a chance to watch a trapped artist naturally reach out with the only tools he has. The effect is fascinating and at times breathtaking, especially during the heart stopping final shot.

But the result is not a film. Even when Panahi makes a clandestine call to a cinematographer friend of his to stop by with a camera, the meaning is not to make a documentary. The purpose is just natural, to shoot because he’s meant to. The beauty of the piece is not in the completed product. Panahi says time and time again that what they are doing isn’t filmmaking. It’s more than that. The intrigue of the project is not in the shot design, camerawork or even story. It’s an act of artistic revolution that we get to not only watch, but feel a part of. But this isn’t the kind of revolt that’s loud or even intentional. This is a personal upheaval, the product of a gifted artist rising against the cynicism and oppression of his government. And we get to watch his defiance grow.

While the piece isn’t perfect, it’s hard to critique because it’s not a film. The beginning runs slow, there are long shots of nothing going on and the film feels bloated, even at its abbreviated running time. But all that matters little. This Is Not A Film may not be cinema but it’s certainly something more. Combining shots from an iPhone, an adorable iguana and a filmmaker who just wants to film, the piece is a grand statement of stunning quiet, the type of silence your teacher used when she wanted you to shut up in English class and just pay attention. An artistic expression that rises above the simplicity of its shots, This Is Not A Film is a worthy watch for anybody who believes in freedom, art and the notion that sometimes, you have to do what you’re born to do. And even though Panahi had to smuggle this movie into Cannes on a Flash drive embedded in a birthday cake, he shouldn’t have much to worry about. This really isn’t a film. It’s an unintentional middle finger to those who would jail him for the rest of his life if it were one.

Score – 90%

Originally Reviewed – 3/10/2012

Growing up in high school, circa 1997, Austin Powers was the bees knees. You couldn’t pop your head into a homeroom or hang out at a lunch table without somebody doing an impersonation of the rotten toothed super spy. Teachers were annoyed by it and our parents thought it was crass, but to a generation that had nothing but things to look forward to, it was a scream. Now, in viewing this film fifteen years later, some of the shine has worn off. The jokes are dated, the laughs less hearty and I no longer have the urge to yell, “Yeah Baby, YEEEAAH” whenever somebody asks me what time it is. At the core, the first film in the Austin Powers trilogy is a very entertaining diversion, bolstered by strong characters, simple storytelling and a funnier than it should be script. Just don’t expect the cult classic from over a decade ago.

Canadian SNL alumnus Mike Meyers stars as both Austin Powers, a swinging spy from the 1960’s and Dr. Evil, a generic mad scientist bent on world domination. Cryogenically frozen in 1967, Austin is thawed out thirty years later to help rid the world of his nemesis, who escaped capture in a space probe shaped like a Big Boy. The rest of the film is standard sixties era spy movie fare, all for good reason. The film relishes in clichés such as “the slow, yet easily escapable trap” and “the overblown plot to rule the world”. The script takes great pains to show exactly how ridiculous these scenarios are, making the audience well aware of the in joke, even if they’ve never seen You Only Live Twice.

In both lead roles, Meyers is manic yet endearing, and much of the film’s sustainability stems from the fine development of the characters. Both Austin and Dr. Evil are having a hard time adapting to the 90’s and it’s this bumbling vulnerability that helps us like the characters beyond the one liners. That’s not to say there aren’t good good gags in the script as well. Watching Austin gyrate on a rotating bed or seeing Dr. Evil struggle with exactly how much to set the world’s ransom at, still hold up for a few laughs. That said, the film didn’t age particularly well. Although the original doesn’t rely as much on topical humor as the sequels do, moments like Austin accessing an AOL account or Dr. Evil doing the Macarena just don’t work anymore. They just make you cringe.

The rest of the cast is works quite well for the limited time they have on screen. Elizabeth Hurley as Dr. Kensington, Austin’s nineties era partner and eventual love interest, is bookish yet charming. Initially repulsed by Austin’s swinger behavior, she soon sees beyond the atrocious teeth to the man within, nicely arcing as the story goes on. Other standouts include Michael York as Basil Expedition, head of the Ministry of Defense and the always reliable Robert Wagner as Evil’s number two man, Number Two. Write your own joke. The film is also helped by some good comedic directing by Jay Roach in his first ever feature. Comedy is a tough nut to crack for a director and while I’m sure Myers had more than a little say in the direction of the film, Roach does a fine job keeping the timing fresh and funny.

To say the Austin Powers series of films isn’t exactly landmark cinema would be an understatement. The movies are silly, crude and overly dependent on period era references to keep the funny going. Still, at least in the case of the original, there’s enough in the way of good writing and strong characters to keep this ship sailing, even if the course charted is one you’ve been down numerous times before. A worthwhile viewing, even to just reminisce about a time when the budget was balanced, people had jobs and we weren’t at war, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is a light hearted farce that gets most of the comedy right even when it’s doing an outdated dance from the band Los del Rio. Just make sure we don’t catch you doing the, “Yeah Baby, YEEEAHH” line out in public anymore. No matter how funny something was fifteen years ago, in certain cases, you can never go back.

Score – 70%